Problem

I just said they think I am a nigger for someone they thought I was mean to, and now they made adjustments in my life supposedly to that end because I used that word in the same paragraph.  They want me to feel like trash like they think other people are and berate at my uniqueness that makes me loved.

My Current Issues

My mom yelled at me a long time for her being able to tell I'm upset cuz I looked at her while I felt that way.  She claimed I was mad at her for something, but I didn't indicate anything of it.  I even was nice and considerate of that when I started.  She just made things up to set a flame of a chain of bad events for me.  She had to say someone told her to do it, and now I'm at a loss with that someone.  So, she got mad, I get points off.  I was open and talked, as well, which is something that doesn't matter.

I know I went for a walk after awhile.  Cars started telling me bad things about a relationship.  It was fun at first, but then they blew up I guess.  I stared them down when they did it and walked to annoy them some.

I came home and found I was in trouble, by the people spying on me and sending me secret messages.  I just exploded because they were acting mean and for some reason I was on some track of anger and it let out on who they were pretending to be had to talk to me cuz I lost out on a relationship.  I didn't say it.  I didn't want to think it.  They're watching me, tho, with "slippery hands" and make a big deal outta everything.  I suppose it's an important lesson because it's not something anyone likes.  They won't leave me alone about this!

Also, I found on the page I blog I noticed a button looks more faded, seeming to indicate nothing but a fading relationship and life, which should make everyone else feel more secure.  I think this is ridiculous, but no one else thinks I even matter like anyone else.

Why should I live like this when I'm alone or with my family?  People think I am not worth anything.  Why am I in trouble?  Isn't there anything you can see thru to the situation?  I feel it must be some kinda trap and trick of the mind.  I'm pretty sure that's true!  If I don't mean something and it comes to mind does not mean that's what I said.

These people keep being mean to me when they spy on me and act like they do it for my dad, which makes me uncomfortable.

They just keep getting at me if something bad enters my mind and happens by accident.  I can't find any peace.  I just keep getting shocked all day that I lose a relationship and anything else they can think of.  I'm just going about my life.

I'm sorry my thoughts got carried away with.  What can I say?  I don't mean anything bad.  Now, I have to stop and think with these people bothering me now so it might not happen.  I guess I keep getting bombarded and people are jealous and see and try to mess up my life.

So, what, now my life can't get better?  That's pathetic.  Thanks a lot!

I don't want them to hold me to things I don't mean.  This makes no sense.  It is too pathetic.  It is too obvious.  They are being mean to me like they have to do it and make it okay.  If a thought enters my mind, it is branded and lied about what I really think than what happened to me cuz I keep getting bombarded with hurtful messages.

It is sad.  I don't expect too much, in a way.

Sorry, what else can I say?  I was being bombarded with hurtful messages, and I don't want to think about ridiculous things for certain times.  So, I figured it wasn't my thought.  Guess I was wrong.  It was like it just happened in a series of traps that I know are in my mind.  What can we do if I'm so bad?  Leave me alone cuz who'd wanna to talk to me, anyway?  There are lots of cool people out there, wish I could see in life.  I just haven't been that lucky.  If I'm not for you, too, that's fine.  I think I'm just having a hard time with this composing myself and having obstacles in life, besides.  Maybe, I haven't been making all the right choices.  Maybe, I haven't been able to fix some mistakes.  So, no, I don't really know myself to be bad, in a way.  I just feel tricked into not enjoying life for too long and it affects me and I keep having to battle things and give up things in the end I guess.  People don't matter, and maybe I don't, neither, cuz who would I matter to?

So..